luropizica

my last post was in june.

i can't for the life of me understand why i can't be excited for these events that people go to. stuff like they've been looking forward to all week, you know? and sometimes i wish i can share their enthusiasm. but i can't. and i have no idea why this is. i would like to empathize. really i would. just to know and understand. it's always good to know and understand. but no matter how hard i try, i can't. so i'm sorry if i do not share your enthusiasm for such things, or in your ability to dance and look good in clothes, or what not. socializing is a skill that i do not have. but that depends.

a lesson in darts

it's quite a weird place to be in, at this point. it's 420am in the morning and i should be sleeping. it's not as though i can't sleep. i just don't feel like sleeping now. that's all.

it seems for the past few weeks, i've been rather busy. i know i have been busting ass. i know that i've been working. but i can't stand it when there's NOTHING to show for. and that's probably why i prefer to update the livejournal side of things at least once a week...as proof, you know? to the world and to myself that, hey, i've been busy and i've been living the life that i want and this is what i have to show for it. this piece of black and white drawing. and i haven't updated the livejournal or the website for a couple of weeks now. not because there aren't any new drawings....but because i've been working on 5 separate drawings at the same time.so none of them are done. it's a good way to be working, i feel...but i am rather impatient. and that is my number one enemy. this need to always get things done at the shortest time just because i don't like waiting. i hate watching paint dry. i do. when there are many times that i will NEED to wait before i can carry on.

i have three solo shows in the works. it's exciting but i really would love to be able to nail every single one of them. to be able to walk away from all of them and say, that's pretty good. because of this impatience, my work suffers....like i will always walk away from a drawing and say...oh damn it, i should have drew a line here or this side of the face needs to get darker. and i usually say that kinda things to myself like AFTER i "release" the piece.

so this is a lesson in patience. i know it's probably one of the easiest things to do. to wait and step back. and i will need to beat the enemy if i want to keep my sanity.

patience.

deliverence

i have not loved
or sinned
from watching the television
cracking and melting
back onto walls
it's a fixed amount of shame
that goes beyond
the effort laid into the skull
of petty lil games
that we play
that we say
when we say
love is sin

oh baby
let me in

if the games we play
are here today
and i will know
that the game
is over
to the brim

for
i have not loved
or sinned
when i am holding you closer
to the exit sign
pushing and pulling you away
from it all
and what is this?
what the fuck is this mess?

good god.

old songs bold nights

motherfucker
run for cover
i got you in a chokehold
dancing with the corpses
but
i pretend not to know of the matter
and decided
(i decided)
that the situation of
having you lying on the cold hard floor
in that fetal position
is better than having you
standing up

i guess

the value of a face
is nothing compared
to a life
and i would assume that
you can tell the difference between a fire
on a candle
and one on your fucking house
or good music and the radio

a choke hold on couches are fun when you
are five
years
away from
knowing better.

the haunting of the third world

i don't pretend to know filth
although i can smell it from a mile away
just like how
i can smell your need to impress in that dress
standing here in yesterday

and i will be the first one to owe up
and say
that "hey,
i don't even know you."
because you don't even know yourself
and it irks me
to have you around
decorating the place with your
shit and pseudo intellectual garbage

because
we all know the truth
that you are nothing
but a party in a box
making the most noise on an empty street
when no one is around
because
they would rather be fucking
by themselves
than listen to what you have to say
well,
i don't really know
but i sure as hell would rather be doing that
and listening to shitty radio music
than be here with you sucking up
the same air that i am breathing.

i would rather.

overboard

i should stop thinking about
stuff
and start doing something
anything about something
or vice versa
i should stop
reading
and watching the news
if i ever plan on slowing down
the process of actually
losing my brain cells
to cheap talk
and loose lips
(they sink ships)
don't you know
those posters of world war two
or even the first one
i am not too sure
but i'm sure
it's one or the other
maybe both maybe
neither

all i'm saying is
i need to do something about something
or i would fall for just about
anything
someday
i will probably regret the days
when all i do
is talk about what i do
and do nothing else but
drink and whine
about anything
and something else
like stuff
of life and death
but this is neither
and nothing but an attempt
to impress you

i should stop doing that
probably.

wisdom teeth

right there
at the corner of your
eye
i could tell you've
been telling

now,
i am not one to start a ruckus
but a riot will ensue
if you are not careful
and if you can't afford to
run with your tails in between your
legs
i would suggest you walk
so i could
come up behind you
without losing my breath

now,
all i'm saying that it's here
and it's coming after you
and the shit you have pulled before
juries and the spectacle
but
you've had enough
and the universe should
stop pummeling you into the ground
with their fists and bare backs

life isn't all fair play
but i hope
that you have at least surrounded
yourself with the thoughts of prayer
and/or
escape

you are
doing the right thing and i wish
you nothing
but
the best.